5 Things I didn’t expect to give up for my Daughter
5 Things I didn’t expect to give up for my Daughter: By Kate Tunstall at The Less-Refined Mind.
When my hubby and I first talked about having a baby, I knew it would mean a lot of things would have to change. No more date nights on a whim; fewer holidays; a lot of brightly-coloured plastic inflicted upon my poor eyes – I may even have to give up my beautiful interiors to make room for the ugly synthetic stuff. *shudders*
However, there are certain things I really didn’t expect to give up for anyone ever – because ordinarily they’re considered basic human rights. They literally are – in prison some of these things are genuinely classified as basic human rights. And I no longer have them…
The first to go is your body, by which I mean you allow your child’s foetus to take up residence and essentially become parasitic. That may sound incredibly gross and basically like I was under duress (of course not actually the case at all); but – going by the actual dictionary definition – mothers do, in fact, quite literally play host.
Unfortunately no man is able (yet) to help out with hosting in this situation. I reckon that earns us a free pass for a decade of dinner parties. #justsaying
Once our body has been hijacked, this is almost part of the deal. If we’re lucky, there will be few side effects. Otherwise, you can expect pretty much all the symptoms you’d associate with any other parasite: nausea; vomiting; various stomach issues; increased blood pressure, etcetera etcetera. And of course along with any medical issues, we are obliged to hand ourselves over to be examined and prodded and poked by health professionals.
…Before having anywhere between two and ten strangers staring at our most intimate area as it is stretched or torn or cut open. Joy.
Then of course there’s (accidentally) flashing your nipples in public. Oh, and the really fun bonding experience of having a little person sit (or more likely climb/dropkick/generally jostle on your lap while you use the lavatory…
I did know there would be less sleep. I just didn’t quite appreciate the toll so much less sleep would take. But if nothing else then I’ve learned that if ever I enter a contest to see who can withstand sleep-deprivation for the longest before they die (because that’s an actual thing – it will eventually kill you, I kid you not) I’ll probably win. #gifted
Before our angel arrived into the world (and also while she was still holding my body hostage) I was a gym junkie. I loved nothing better than spin classes, lifting weights and HIIT hill runs. (I know, I was awesomely fit once. I’m jealous of that person too…)
Now, my only exercise consists of carrying my daughter for several miles when she refuses to walk (she’s lucky I appreciate the value of the workout). Alas, these days my most impressive muscles are my modest biceps (compared to my non-existent quads/glutes/traps/abs/I’m-not-going-to-list-the-rest-of-the-muscle-groups-in-the-body-because-it’s-depressing-I-can-no-longer-visit-the-gym).
Blimey, this one’s a bit morbid, isn’t it! But what I actually mean is life as I knew it is gone forever: never again will I be the priority in my own life.
Although it’s true – if I had to die so my child could live, then that’s kind of the circle of life. And, if I were put on the spot and asked which religion I follow, without a doubt it would be The Lion King. (We watch it Every. Day. I’m not kidding. [But not all the way through, I’m not that bad a parent – screen time is limited.]) So there’s really no argument – I’d have to die for her. Hakuna Matata.
Want to know the craziest part about this list? I and every other mother has given/would give up all of these things and more for each of our children – and do so willingly.
Good job they’re super cute.
- Dads – I know you give up a lot too; but until you successfully squeeze into a pair of your missus’ skinny jeans you will never compete in the body/dignity stakes. Capisce?
Thank you so much Kate for your hilarious but oh-so-honest post! We give up so much but they’re cuteness does more than even the score (thankfully!).
Kate can be found at The Less-Refined Mind, blogging about motherhood, marriage, and all manner of mischief. Sometimes caustic – but always candid – Kate loves a provocative subject matter almost as much as she loves (good) coffee and (great) cake. Join the mischief on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest.