How to apply the KonMari Method to People in your life
You might be wondering what on earth this post is going to be about but if you’re hooked on Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying” book, you might like to know that you can also apply the KonMari Method to people in your life too. I certainly have.
I’ve talked a lot recently about how I’ve benefited from decluttering, becoming more organised and finding ways to live a more relaxed life and it all stemmed from when I read Marie Kondo’s book, soon after I was diagnosed with cancer.
All of a sudden, things that once seemed so important no long were. Issues that had weighed on my mind previously seemed trivial and so meaningless. Rather than the diagnosis being a bad thing though, it gave me the opportunity to really assess what was important in my life. What and who.
I realised quickly that some people, people I counted as friends, were no longer going to be around for me.
Cancer is a scary prospect, people don’t know what to say, they’re terrified of saying the wrong thing. Then there are those who simply back away and say nothing. Who disappear from your life completely – I suppose until you get the all clear and they think it’s safe to return.
I love Marie Kondo’s very easy method of organising and discarding. She simply advises to look at the things you have, to hold them in your hand and to ask yourself “does this spark joy?”. If it doesn’t, you discard it. If it does spark joy and is useful to you, keep it and treasure it. Simple as that.
When discarding items, she advises that you don’t simply throw them in the bin but you consider each object, how it has benefited you in the past, relive those precious memories, thank it for it’s service to you and then discard it.
There are people in my circle of friends who have not stepped up during my diagnosis and treatment. They did not get in touch, they did not offer love or support. They were not there for me or my family.
Rather than waste time feeling anger or resentment towards them, I’m applying the KonMari method to people and particularly to those friendships.
I’m spending time considering each of my friendships and asking myself 3 questions:
- “Does this person spark joy in my life?”
- “What am I gaining from being friends with this person?”
- “Is this friendship still valuable to me?”
If I feel that I’m no longer benefiting, that I no longer feel joy when I think of how our friendship currently is, then I’m discarding it and walking away.
This in no way detracts from the memories we have shared, the fun we’ve had and the ways we have helped each other in the past. And I’m thankful for those memories and to those people for that.
But now it’s time to move on, to put those friendships to one side and to focus more on the joyful friendships that remain.
I want to give more of my time to fewer people. I want to spend every second I have with the people that make me feel happy, safe and empowered and I want to give everything I have to them.
I hope this makes sense to you and inspires you to think about the people in your life and realise that just because you have been friends with someone for a long time, it doesn’t mean you have to continue with friendships that are no longer good for you.
It doesn’t take away from any happiness you have previously shared with them. It simply frees up your time to spend more of it with the people who love you. The people who spark joy in you.
Rather than this being a sad process, I’ve actually found it incredibly positive and uplifting. It’s given me the chance to really appreciate how wonderful my friends have been during the hardest time in my life.
True friends are there for you no matter what and I’ve never been more grateful for my true friends.
Have you read Marie Kondo’s book? Did it change your life?