How to apply the KonMari Method to People in your life

How to apply the KonMari Method to People in your life

You might be wondering what on earth this post is going to be about but if you’re hooked on Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying” book, you might like to know that you can also apply the KonMari Method to people in your life too. I certainly have.

I’ve talked a lot recently about how I’ve benefited from decluttering, becoming more organised and finding ways to live a more relaxed life and it all stemmed from when I read Marie Kondo’s book, soon after I was diagnosed with cancer.

How to apply the KonMari Method to People in your life - lovefrommim The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo How to Declutter your Friends How to end friendships Declutter your Friendships

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All of a sudden, things that once seemed so important no long were. Issues that had weighed on my mind previously seemed trivial and so meaningless. Rather than the diagnosis being a bad thing though, it gave me the opportunity to really assess what was important in my life. What and who.

I realised quickly that some people, people I counted as friends, were no longer going to be around for me.

Cancer is a scary prospect, people don’t know what to say, they’re terrified of saying the wrong thing. Then there are those who simply back away and say nothing. Who disappear from your life completely – I suppose until you get the all clear and they think it’s safe to return.

I love Marie Kondo’s very easy method of organising and discarding. She simply advises to look at the things you have, to hold them in your hand and to ask yourself “does this spark joy?”. If it doesn’t, you discard it. If it does spark joy and is useful to you, keep it and treasure it. Simple as that.

When discarding items, she advises that you don’t simply throw them in the bin but you consider each object, how it has benefited you in the past, relive those precious memories, thank it for it’s service to you and then discard it.

There are people in my circle of friends who have not stepped up during my diagnosis and treatment. They did not get in touch, they did not offer love or support. They were not there for me or my family.

Rather than waste time feeling anger or resentment towards them, I’m applying the KonMari method to people and particularly to those friendships.

I’m spending time considering each of my friendships and asking myself 3 questions:

  1. “Does this person spark joy in my life?”
  2. “What am I gaining from being friends with this person?”
  3. “Is this friendship still valuable to me?”

If I feel that I’m no longer benefiting, that I no longer feel joy when I think of how our friendship currently is, then I’m discarding it and walking away.

This in no way detracts from the memories we have shared, the fun we’ve had and the ways we have helped each other in the past. And I’m thankful for those memories and to those people for that.

But now it’s time to move on, to put those friendships to one side and to focus more on the joyful friendships that remain.

I want to give more of my time to fewer people. I want to spend every second I have with the people that make me feel happy, safe and empowered and I want to give everything I have to them.

I hope this makes sense to you and inspires you to think about the people in your life and realise that just because you have been friends with someone for a long time, it doesn’t mean you have to continue with friendships that are no longer good for you.

It doesn’t take away from any happiness you have previously shared with them. It simply frees up your time to spend more of it with the people who love you. The people who spark joy in you.

Rather than this being a sad process, I’ve actually found it incredibly positive and uplifting. It’s given me the chance to really appreciate how wonderful my friends have been during the hardest time in my life.

True friends are there for you no matter what and I’ve never been more grateful for my true friends.

Have you read Marie Kondo’s book? Did it change your life?

How to apply the KonMari Method to People in your life - lovefrommim The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo How to Declutter your Friends How to end friendships Declutter your Friendships

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  1. Corrie Leitch
    31st August 2016 / 5:00 pm

    I’ve read her book very recently and am currently in the process of clearing my house according to her method. It’s so cathartic. I’m someone who holds on to everything because I am nostalgic and love the memories I get from things but those memories are still there whether the object that sparks them is there or not – can’t believe I never realised that before! I never thought about applying that method to people but it definitely makes sense x

    • 31st August 2016 / 5:01 pm

      I’m exactly the same – well I was – I thought somehow if I didn’t keep something that I would lose the memories that went with it too! Isn’t it addictive Corrie :) x

  2. 31st August 2016 / 6:51 pm

    A really lovely post, that has definitely made me think. I’m sorry to hear some friends haven’t stepped up, but your positive way of dealing with it is inspiring. I haven’t read the book, where have I been?! x

    • 31st August 2016 / 7:02 pm

      Thank you! Ah it’s my favourite book, I can’t recommend it enough :) it’s really simple in principal but has completely changed my mindset x

  3. 31st August 2016 / 7:21 pm

    I’ve got this book on reserve at my local library. I wasn’t sure if the method would work for me because I’m not a naturally organised person, but I wanted to have a look at it and see. Wish me luck!

    I know what you mean about crickets chirping with certain people during a cancer diagnosis. You definitely learn who your true friends are. Stroke of genius, using the konmari method for people!

    • 31st August 2016 / 7:42 pm

      You’ll love it Ness! Oh yes, I’ve definitely had the crickets too :) x

  4. 31st August 2016 / 8:54 pm

    A wonderful post Mim! Has really inspired me. I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately and about how much we give of ourselves to others, often not to find it reciprocated and feel I’m at a point in my life where I need to make changes. This has just given me the kick up the bottom that I needed. Thank you lovely! X

    • 31st August 2016 / 9:05 pm

      I’m so glad it helped! Honestly I’ve spent so many years chasing friendships that expired long ago and it’s very freeing to reduce my friendship circle now but still appreciate those friendships for what they once were :) x

  5. 1st September 2016 / 1:48 am

    You know I love her book and it is only reading your post that I’ve realised that I’ve always been this way with friends. My mum thinks I’m cold hearted (she has over 100 people on her Christmas card list- most of which she never speaks to)but I just don’t see the sense in holding onto people for the sake of holding on. Good for you for letting go, your life is precious so why share it with people who don’t deserve that privilege? xx

    • 1st September 2016 / 10:56 am

      You’re not cold hearted at all – it’s just a brilliant way to devote even more time and love to those who are the most important :) x

  6. 1st September 2016 / 7:37 am

    Love this darling, you are so wise. It’s crucial we spring clean our lives and focus on what and who truly matters. I read The Life-Changing Magic of Not Give a F*** on holiday which was inspiring. So critical to rid yourself of negativity, to only spend time on those who bring happiness and be cautious about who receives our time and energy. Loved this post and related about how illness and tough times help us see who really is there for us- someone in my family has been ill all this year and seeing who has been supportive towards me and who hasn’t (the same when I was in hospital pregnant with Xander for 10 days) really sorted the wheat from the chaff when it came to friendships. xx

    • 1st September 2016 / 10:55 am

      I’ve heard about that book – I’m definitely going to check it out! Lots of love to you and your Mummy x x x

  7. 2nd September 2016 / 4:10 pm

    Ahh, a really interesting post and one that is quite poignant to me as I have been thinking a lot about friendships lately. I completely agree with what you say. I actually think that having toxic people in your life can bring you down and sometimes we have to cut them off so that we can flourish #thelist

    • 2nd September 2016 / 4:12 pm

      So so true lovely – life is just far too short to waste precious time on the wrong people x

  8. 2nd September 2016 / 7:32 pm

    I’ve actually not read the book, but have read lots about it and applied the principles to cleaning out my clothes a while ago. I hadn’t thought of applying the same process to the people in my life, but it does make complete sense to do so. My mum made a decision years ago to remove negative people from her life and is so much happier for it. x #TheList

    • 3rd September 2016 / 9:59 am

      Thanks lovely – it’s so liberating to do it, your mum did well! x

  9. 3rd September 2016 / 9:24 pm

    I haven’t heard of this method before. I’m frightened by the idea of unfriending people though! #thelist

    • 5th September 2016 / 12:23 pm

      It’s a bit addictive when you start ha! x

  10. 4th September 2016 / 4:12 am

    I’ve definitely found that as I’ve got older and my time has got more squeezed that certain friendships have fallen by the wayside and I’ m often sad about that. But I like that this way of looking at it has a positive spin – I really find thinking of the happy memories you’ve had and letting go helpful. I definitely feel the same way as you – I want to give more of me to the people who’s relationships I truly value, rather than spreading myself so thinly trying to keep friendships alive that have really run their course. #thelist

    • 5th September 2016 / 6:46 pm

      I feel sad too at times, you want to keep wonderful friendships alive forever. I think they can definitely come back sometimes though too :) x

  11. 8th September 2016 / 7:29 pm

    This is brilliant huni, you are fabulous. i think it is always sad when friends turn out to not be as expected. Thanks for linking up to #TheList huni xx

    • 11th September 2016 / 8:43 pm

      Thank you lovely lady and you’re fabulous yourself! x

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