Walk a day in my shoes

Walk a day in my shoes

Walk a day in my shoes.

Feel my fear that I’m going to lose this fight.  That I might never see my children grow up, go to school, win their first competition, really talk to them, dance at their weddings. Feel sad that my children might never really know me.

Walk a day in my shoes.

Know what true love really means when my husband drops everything to make me feel happy, relaxed, less anxious.  To let me rest.  To tell me when I feel ugly and tired and drained that he thinks I’m more beautiful than ever.

Walk a day in my shoes - lovefrommim.com - My Triple Negative Breast Cancer Journey Judging others walk a day in someone else's shoes

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Walk a day in my shoes.

Feel tired and nauseous, anxious and irritable and void of any positive emotion as the poisoning of chemotherapy really hits.  Feel sad and angry that cancer came when the rest of my life was just about to start. Like really start.

Walk a day in my shoes.

Feel grateful every second of every day that conceiving wasn’t too difficult. That pregnancy wasn’t all that bad. That childbirth was calm and relatively easy. That I’m blessed with two beautiful, sunny children who eat everything and sleep through the night and love cuddles and kisses.  And give me every reason to fight.

Walk a day in my shoes.

Know what it feels like to be surrounded by genuine and unending love, true friends and the kindness of strangers. A support system that is willing me to stay positive and hopeful and alive.

I could go on.

I try my best not to judge others but I still do.  Cancer is giving me cause to try harder not to. It’s inexcusable most of the time.

I see people, going about their day, and I wonder why they’re ignoring their kids or haven’t ‘made an effort’ with their appearance or why they push past me in the street without an apology.   I automatically make judgements about them.  What’s their problem?

But that’s the thing, I don’t know what their problem is and they might really have one.  Or more.

I imagine people look at me now and judge me:

Why doesn’t she comb her hair?

She looks tired and old.

Why didn’t she pick up her daughter when she asked?

She looks like she’s been crying.

They don’t know what my problem is.

I’m too scared to comb my hair in case it falls out in my hands.

At times, I’ve never felt so ill and exhausted.

My chest aches inside and out and I haven’t always got the strength to lift up my toddler.   Or my baby.

I have been crying.

When you read this post did you pity me?  Or envy me?  Or feel happy for me?

Or did you feel all three and more because I gave you the benefit of knowing all sides of how my life is right now?

I want to stop being judgmental, it’s a personal goal I’m continuously working on.

I hope before I make the next judgement I think first.   And stop.

Please try too.

Walk a day in my shoes - lovefrommim.com - My Triple Negative Breast Cancer Journey Judging others walk a day in someone else's shoes

Linked to Honest Mum, You Baby Me Mummy and Mr & Mrs T Plus Three

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  1. 5th January 2016 / 10:06 pm

    This is an incredibly brave post. How you are dealing with your situation, is how you are dealing with it. It is not right and it is not wrong, it is the way YOU are handling it and that’s the most important thing, you are getting through this in your own way.

    Sending you lots of love, and as always, positivity xxx

  2. 5th January 2016 / 11:23 pm


  3. 5th January 2016 / 11:34 pm

    This is such a heart -wrenching beautiful post. You are incredible, you are strong and you will beat this thing. I admire you so much for writing such a brave an honest post. xx

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:36 am

      Thank you so much Stacey! I’m determined to win :) x x

  4. 6th January 2016 / 12:52 am

    Beautiful post Mim. My thoughts when reading it is that is raw, honest, moving. I feel for you as a human being – I know pity doesn’t help anyone. There’s no right or wrong, and how you feel is likely to change day by day…sending love and positivity xxx

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:36 am

      Thank you so so much Leigh, that means the world to me x x

  5. 6th January 2016 / 1:48 am

    Oh Mim I am sat here crying. This is such a stunning post, but I wish with all my heart that you didn’t have a cause to write it. Cancer is so cruel and I have no words that will make any of this any better for you. Lots of love xxxx

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:35 am

      Thank you lovely Aby and believe me you have said the perfect words :) I’m going to win, I promise. There are some bad days but many more good ones x x

  6. 6th January 2016 / 1:58 am

    I am sorry that you are going through this. My mum was diagnosed with breast cancer in the summer last year and has finished her chemotherapy and is on radiotherapy now. I wrote a post about it, and working with Macmillan on their coffee mornings in September that they promoted. http://busyworkingmummy.com/2015/09/23/do-you-know-someone-fighting-cancer-support-macmillans-coffee-morning-this-week/
    Do stay strong and use the support of your family. Try and stay focused on the positives and your beautiful family to get you through this horrible time. xx

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:43 am

      Thank you so so much lovely and I’m so happy to read about your mum getting through the chemo – she had a similar diagnosis and treatment plan to me I think. She’s beautiful – please send her my love and positive thoughts! Thank you x x x

  7. 6th January 2016 / 2:19 am

    I have no words, I am in tears reading this. You are so brave, and such an honest post. I am watching helpless on the sidelines as my auntie battles pancreatic cancer – it is evil. It hurts to see how hard she is fighting, to know a little of how hard you are fighting. I am sending you all the positive energy I can.

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:33 am

      Oh Jenny thank you and believe me you’re not helpless, by loving and supporting and being there, you’re doing everything you can and it will be helping so much I promise you. Sending lots of love to your Auntie, you and your family x x

  8. Megan
    6th January 2016 / 2:31 am

    Thanks Mim. No one can know what your experience is but it is helpful to hear-in your words- more about what your journey is like. Good days and bad. I agree about judgement and it was my only New Years resolution of 2016- to stop judging and gossiping. Full stop. I heard a great story from this artist who had this person come to one of her shows. The person was loud and seemed to ignore that there were pieces hung on the stairwell between the two levels of the gallery. They knocked off a painting and she was furious. She assumed the person was just careless, a real asshole. When she approached them she discovered the person was blind. She had been just about to lay into them and tell them not to be so careless when she realised they were simply doing their best with the limits they had- in this case sight. I think it’s a true story. But her point was the same as yours- I think- you never know what a persons limits or challenges are on any particular day and it’s best to assume most people are trying their best. Thanks again for the post and for giving me another reason to stick to the 2016 resolution. X

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:32 am

      Thank you lovely :) it’s such a massive challenge to stop isn’t it – it really shouldn’t be but for me it us. It’s habit forming but I’m determined to be more positive and retrain myself to think the best first in everything :) x x

  9. Keri Jones
    6th January 2016 / 7:20 am

    Sending positive vibes your way xx

    • 6th January 2016 / 7:30 am

      Thank you very much :) x

  10. 6th January 2016 / 9:22 am

    Wow! I am lost for words….Such an honest post!
    Wishing you well….

    • 6th January 2016 / 9:32 am

      Thank you so much Kim :) x x

  11. 6th January 2016 / 6:28 pm

    Oh Mim this is such a beautiful post and I’m so sorry you are going through all of this. I am also amazed that you are still thinking of others and worrying about judging them. You are an amazingly lovely lady. Xxx

    • 6th January 2016 / 8:45 pm

      Oh thank you Caroline :) that’s so lovely of you x x

  12. 6th January 2016 / 6:32 pm

    Sending best wishes your way Mim. I always read your blog posts and think how honest they are. Xxx

    • 6th January 2016 / 8:41 pm

      Thank you so so much lovely, that’s so nice of you to say so x x x

  13. 6th January 2016 / 8:37 pm

    Wow Mim. Such a beautiful post. But bloody hell, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Not that this will help you I know, but I am truly am so sorry. You asked in your post, what I felt for you after reading it. And well, to be honest lovely, I didn’t feel any of those things.

    But I did feel this. I felt AWE.

    As I’m absolutely in awe of you, your courage, your honesty, your compassion and your determination to become a better person, even when you’re being kicked horribly in the butt by the big ‘C’.

    This cancer won’t know what’s hit it, with you my darling. Thank you for such an emotive read and thank you for making me realise that when it comes to judgment, I’ve got a hell of a lot of work to do too. Like so many others, I’m thinking of you.

    X X X

    • 6th January 2016 / 8:40 pm

      Thank you thank you thank you lovely Kate, that means such a lot x x x the emotions I’m feeling are intense but a big wake up call in so many ways and despite the horrible circumstances, it’s an opportunity for me to make some really positive changes too. Thank you for your lovely words x x x

  14. 6th January 2016 / 9:18 pm

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this, I can only imagine how you must be feeling. I feel that you’re being extremely brave and to be able to write about it is incredible. sending you lots of love xxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:42 am

      Thank you so much x x writing is giving me the best therapy and your amazing support! x x

  15. 6th January 2016 / 9:28 pm

    I didn’t feel envy, pity or happiness for you, but I do feel incredibly grateful that you have opened up and let us see your reality in life, life through your eyes and in your shoes.

    What a powerful post. Keep on fighting, we are all thinking of you!

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:41 am

      Thank you so much x x x

  16. 6th January 2016 / 10:42 pm

    Well done for speaking plainly and honestly about the side to cancer everyone fears but doesn’t dare to say. I couldn’t have imagined writing this when we were sat in that sunny square in Kensington last summer -you have been in my thoughts A LOT lately, sending you lots of love xxxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:40 am

      Thank you beautiful Nat x x gosh it seems like only yesterday when I didn’t have a care in the world – well apart from sleepless nights :) this time next year, I’ll be over this blip and enjoying a drink in the sunshine frequently! x x

  17. 7th January 2016 / 3:48 am

    Beautiful words and the beautiful you shines out. It is all too easy to be judgmental, isn’t it? Something I am sure most of us need to work on. You are SO inspiring and so brave! Having been there, I really admire you and your whole way of dealing with everything. Keep being you! Sending you lots of love xxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:38 am

      Thank you so much Sara that really means a lot and I hadn’t realised you’ve been here too x x

  18. 7th January 2016 / 8:05 am

    I didn’t feel any of those things hun, I feel so proud of you and we have never even met. You are a shining example of strength during such an absolutely awful time and I just wish I could give you a huge hug. You can do this and we are all willing you back to health xxxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:37 am

      Thank you so so much Katy – that’s just lovely of you!! x x

  19. 7th January 2016 / 8:23 am

    I have no words.
    You are a wonderful, inspiring, beautiful woman Mim, inside and out.

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:37 am

      You’re so so lovely, thank you! x x

  20. 7th January 2016 / 3:44 pm

    Thankyou for sharing from your heart. Just the fact that you are concerned with being judgemental of others shows how much of a beautiful person you are. Sending you prayers and strength. X

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:54 pm

      Oh Jules thank you so much! x x

  21. 7th January 2016 / 5:55 pm

    A very moving post. Thank you for sharing and for making us stop and think about our own lives and how we should appreciate every good moment. Easy to say and hard to do, but so important.

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:54 pm

      Thank you so much Amy x x

  22. 7th January 2016 / 6:05 pm

    Beautifully written and so true. You never know what is going on in someone else’s life. You are handling cancer with dignity and bravery and honesty. I am sure you are helping so many people out there who are facing the same horrible situation. Sending you positive thoughts. xxxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:54 pm

      Oh thank you Claire :) x x

  23. Robyn
    7th January 2016 / 7:12 pm

    I’m glad to hear you’re not going through this alone, that you have lots of support and a husband who’s brilliant, and all these lovely people commenting (and the many more who want to, but don’t know what to say). Your post is so brave and honest and at the end of it all you’re still thinking about how you could do better. Well done on this profound post and all the best with your treatment and goal to let go of judgement Mim x

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you so much Robyn, you’re lovely! x x

  24. 7th January 2016 / 7:25 pm

    This is such a raw and beautiful, I really don’t know what to say other than I admire you. I admire you for being honest, for being truthful, for being so open. I really do wish you all the best xxxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:53 pm

      Thank you so so much Toni :) x x

  25. Alison
    7th January 2016 / 8:42 pm

    Inspired, that’s how your post has made me feel. This is the first post of yours I’ve come across but I will certainly be back having found such am inspiring lady, particularly when you’re managing to be so inspiring at such a challenging time. Sending huge positivity to you and your family as you fight together through this. Thank you for making me stop, think and try to be the best person I can be

    • 7th January 2016 / 8:51 pm

      Thank you so so much, that’s such a lovely thing to say! x x

  26. 7th January 2016 / 9:50 pm

    Wow – you brave lady. Be strong and keep writing posts like these xxxxx

    • 7th January 2016 / 9:51 pm

      Thank you so much :) I delayed posting it for a couple of days but glad I did now :) x

  27. 7th January 2016 / 10:00 pm

    Wow what a beautiful and emotional post.

    I didn’t feel pity, happiness or envy, I felt sad and guilty that perhaps I don’t realise often enough how lucky I am. Too often we get bogged down and annoyed with the everyday trivial things and don’t appreciate the good things in our lives. Thank you for making me think. I want to appreciate life more and as you say, not judge people because you never know what they’re dealing with.

    Good luck with the treatment. I hope the the love of your family and from everyone here, will give you some strength to get through this. x

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:39 pm

      Thank you so much Cheryl :) :) It’s so true isn’t it when these things make you stop and think. I really appreciate your lovely words x x

  28. 7th January 2016 / 10:07 pm

    This is such an emotive post.. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this and you are completely right, we shouldn’t judge others when we don’t know what they could be going through.

    Sending positive vibes your way xx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:35 pm

      Thank you so much Emma and I will take ALL your positive vibes, thank you! x x

  29. 7th January 2016 / 10:34 pm

    This is beautiful Mim, although I wish you hadn’t had to write it. I am so angry for you that you are having to go through this, but you are so brave and so strong. Saying that, it is ok not to be brave and be strong sometimes. You know you have everyone in blog world behind you xx

    • 7th January 2016 / 10:38 pm

      Oh thank you lovely :) I wish too it wasn’t happening but writing is really helping :) x x x

  30. 7th January 2016 / 11:26 pm

    Oh wow, I completely missed this. I’ve just read your post back in November too. I can but imagine what you’re going through. A very honest but hard hitting post. Exceedingly well written. Wishing you a speedy recovery. #BrilliantBlogPosts

    • 7th January 2016 / 11:27 pm

      Thank you so so much John :) I’m determined to win this :) x

  31. 8th January 2016 / 2:42 am

    Mim, this is a beautifully written and brave post. a number of different emotions coursed through me as I read this post. I felt pity because of the cancer and your chemotherapy, I felt envy because of the beautiful description of the support that your husband is giving you and I felt awe, awe at how brave and courageous you are being and are having to be to beat this, and you will beat this, you most definitely will. X

    • 8th January 2016 / 5:50 pm

      Thank you – thank you so so much! x x

  32. 8th January 2016 / 3:31 am

    Absolutely beautiful lovely. Stay strong xx

    • 8th January 2016 / 5:50 pm

      Thank you so much Katie! x x

  33. 8th January 2016 / 8:16 am

    When people have health they don’t know what they have. Reading this makes me appreciate my life and my health just a little bit more.
    Sending you lots of good wishes and strength to heal. Our bodies are capable of amazing things, including healing, just believe every day that it’s happening.

    • 8th January 2016 / 5:49 pm

      Thank you so so much, your lovely comment has really cheered me up :) :) x x

  34. 8th January 2016 / 5:48 pm

    You are so incredibly brave. Thank you for finding the strength to share your story with us xx #thelist

    • 8th January 2016 / 5:49 pm

      Thank you Kat :) x

  35. 9th January 2016 / 12:29 am

    This is such a brave post Mim and so honest. I am sending you lots of positive vibes and really routing for you to beat this. Your determination and positivity makes me believe you really can and that you will show this horrible cancer who’s boss. I am so sorry you are having to walk in these shoes though, hopefully soon you will have a nice shiny new pair. Sending lots of love to you and good luck for your future treatments .xx #TheList

    • 9th January 2016 / 8:30 pm

      Thank you Wendy :) x x

  36. 9th January 2016 / 4:38 am

    What an incredibly brave and beautifully written post. I wish I could say more, but keep strong and good luck with the treatment.x #thelist

    • 9th January 2016 / 8:28 pm

      Thank you Ky! x

  37. Jodie Allen at Makeup to Motherhood
    9th January 2016 / 6:12 am

    This is such a beautifully written post and I appreciate your honesty so much. Thank you for sharing, and I send you all the best wishes I can. #TheList

    • 9th January 2016 / 8:27 pm

      Thank you so much Jodie x x

  38. 9th January 2016 / 7:29 am

    Oh chick — this post gave me goosebumps. I think you’re amazing. You’re dealing with it — the best way you can — and that’s the right way. Plus, you’re managing to write about it, which is extraordinary.

    Thinking of you Mim and wishing you lots of love and strength this year as you beat this. Which you will. Don’t doubt it for a second xxxxx #TheList

    • 9th January 2016 / 8:27 pm

      Thank you so so much lovely! x x

  39. 9th January 2016 / 9:05 am

    Such a beautiful post, Mim, and you’re right. I do think that judging is probably an innate part of our nature (maybe an element of competitiveness, which is part of survival instinct?), so that really we all do it and it is hard to stop. However, what I think we can control is making ourselves think a little after the initial judging thought, and certainly ensuring that our judgements are kept to ourselves, because, as you say, we never know what the reality of someone else’s life is or whether our judgements are fair.

    Keep going, Mim, you’re doing brilliantly, and you’re wearing those shoes you’re walking in with such attitude & style! xx

    • 9th January 2016 / 8:16 pm

      That’s so true – we almost can’t help ourselves – but I’m desperately trying to or at least as you say, keep it to myself. Thank you lovely x x x

  40. 9th January 2016 / 11:01 pm

    This is a beautiful and brave post. Oh Mim, I wish you weren’t going through this. Cancer is cruel. And you just have to cope with it in any way you can. No one has the right to judge you. Because you are right no one has walked in your shoes. I just wish I could give you a massive hug and tell you everything will be okay. Keep going beautiful lady. Hugs Lucy xxxx

    • 10th January 2016 / 12:27 pm

      Thank you so much beautiful, you’re so so lovely! x x

    • 10th January 2016 / 12:26 pm

      Oh thank you so so much Gilly! x

  41. 10th January 2016 / 6:20 am

    You can do this Mim! To paraphrase one of Tin Box Tot’s books ‘Some days you feel happy. Some days you feel sad. And that’s OK.’ Judging people in a moment is natural. Being conscious that first impressions aren’t always accurate is what makes you a good person. And you are! I have a friend with MS. She says that one of the most difficult things is that it’s an invisible condition. People see her parking in disabled parking spaces and tut at her because they can’t see her disability. She’s made the effort to explain to a few people but has given up trying to tell everyone. She’s come to the conclusion that if people want to judge her on their first impressions then that’s their problem, not hers. Again, you can do this! xxx

    • 10th January 2016 / 12:26 pm

      Your friend completely has the right attitude! I try my best not to let others’ opinions bother me and in the main, I don’t care what they think. Now I just need to work on myself! x x

  42. 12th January 2016 / 4:27 am

    Beautiful post, Mim. I love your honesty and your determination and how yoru situation is bringing out the best rather than the worst in you. Good luck for 2016.

    • 12th January 2016 / 11:44 am

      Thank you so so much Tim, that’s really lovely of you :) I hesitated over and over again as to whether to post but I’m so pleased I did x

  43. International Elf Service
    12th January 2016 / 8:49 am

    You can absolutely do this and there are SO SO SO many stories of men and women who have thrashed this. The journey may be tough but you WILL come out the other side. You are doing very very well and your body can cope with far more than you think or feel at times. You are going to live and won’t die a moment before you’re ready x

  44. International Elf Service
    12th January 2016 / 8:50 am

    You can absolutely do this and there are SO SO SO many stories of men and women who have thrashed this. The journey may be tough but you WILL come out the other side. You are doing very very well and your body can cope with far more than you think or feel at times. You won’t die a moment before you’re 100% ready, whenever that is – none of us know x

    • 12th January 2016 / 11:43 am

      Thank you so so much lovely! That means the world and you’ve reinvigorated me!! x x x

  45. 14th January 2016 / 2:42 pm

    Such a beautiful post, and a beautiful goal too – we all judge people all the time, even when we know nothing of their life or their journey. Wishing you so much strength, joy and happiness. xxx #brilliantblogposts

    • 14th January 2016 / 3:00 pm

      Thank you so much Jessica! x x

  46. 15th January 2016 / 3:49 am

    This is the first time I’ve visited your blog, and I’m very sorry to hear your news. From the couple of posts that I have just read you sound like a very strong lady that knows she has a lot of things worth fighting for. Sending lots of love and luck for your fight xx

    • 15th January 2016 / 7:13 am

      Thank you so much Sarah :) I really do have so much to fight for and I’m fighting! x x

  47. 15th January 2016 / 10:37 am

    if only more people could picture walking in someone else’s shoes, the world may just be a little happier and hope a little stronger.

    • 15th January 2016 / 10:53 am

      That’s so so true lovely x x

  48. 16th January 2016 / 3:13 pm

    What a beautiful heart wrenching, yet soulfully honest post. There is such a rush and mixture of emotions as I read your post and yes, I probably feel all that you have listed for you and so much much more. Thank you for still being so inspiring and letting me walk in your shoe, even for ten minutes.

    • 16th January 2016 / 3:16 pm

      I meant letting me walk in your shoes…Thanks for sharing a glimpse of your journey.

    • 16th January 2016 / 3:24 pm

      Thank you so so much for your lovely words x x x

  49. 17th January 2016 / 3:09 am

    Hi Mim, surprising as it may sound, I didn’t pity you, envy you or feel happy for you as I read this post. What I felt was admiration for you. I cannot imagine what it must be like walking in your shoes and I hope I never do, I am not sure that I would seemingly cope so well.

    One of the worst characteristics of being a human being is probably being judgmental. It is something I too make the effort not to do, after all everyone’s story is different and how do we know what theirs is? We don’t, so we shouldn’t judge, but quite often it’s just a natural reaction, that can’t be helped, but must be controlled.

    Take care.


    • 17th January 2016 / 11:49 am

      Thank you Debbie :) that’s so true – judging does come so naturally and we can’t always help it – I think I can make better decisions on what I do with those judgements though x

  50. 18th January 2016 / 8:45 am

    What a brave an honest post, so beautifully crafted. No pity here, but utter respect. Sending love and strength.

    • 18th January 2016 / 7:53 pm

      That’s so lovely Hayley, thank you x

  51. 28th January 2016 / 7:38 pm

    I don’t have any words Mim – I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I didn’t want to read and leave without saying something. I think you are incredibly brave in how you are coping with everything, and reading your blog, which is so honest and written from the heart can only help others who are experiencing something similar. It seems these days there are very few people who haven’t been affected by cancer in one way or another and I think the more we know about it the more able we will be support the people we know. Your blogs are definitely helping with that… I realise this has been a bit of a ramble now, I hope I made some kind of sense! And I totally agree about judging people – it’s incredibly difficult not to sometimes but if we can’t stop it then we should at least keep our judgments to ourselves.

    • 28th January 2016 / 9:37 pm

      Thank you so much lovely x x you’re so right in cancer affected so so many these days too – it’s almost a daily conversation for everyone x x

  52. 31st January 2016 / 8:02 am

    Dear Mim, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry to hear what you are going through and wish you all the best for your treatment. Your words in this post are so beautiful and heartfelt and I truly admire you for writing so honestly and openly about your feelings, yet also remaining so positive and inspirational. I wish you all the best for the coming months. xx

    • 31st January 2016 / 4:16 pm

      Thank you so so much Cathryn x x

  53. Jane Allen
    6th June 2016 / 8:28 pm

    Dear Mim, I love your personal goal to stop being judgmental. I think it’s a fair thing to do. Most times, we see people, we do not know where they’ve been, we do not know what they’ve gone through, but, in our self-righteous attitudes, decide to judge them. I think it’s so unfair. And, so, I’m with you on that one. I wish you the very best with your remaining treatments.

    • 7th June 2016 / 2:00 pm

      Thank you Jane :) It’s a challenge to stop judging but the last 6 months have really stopped me making so many assumptions about others.

    • 22nd July 2016 / 7:26 pm

      Thank you so much lovely x x

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